Do You Say Yes When You Mean No?

I was recently asked to teach a workshop.

If you all have been following me for a while, you know my love for teaching and workshops and all things goals and getting stuff done.

Seriously…I love it! It’s my jam!

So when I was asked to teach a workshop, I just said yes because that is what I do.

Turns out…I didn’t really want to say yes to this workshop, I just said yes out of the habit of saying yes.

I said yes out of the habit of worrying about what others would think, out of the habit of people pleasing.

What’s wrong with that, right? I mean, don’t we all do things occasionally that we don’t particularly want to do?

Sure!

I really didn’t feel like making the bed this morning, but I did. I didn’t really feel like going for a run today, but I did.

That’s not the same thing.

Saying yes to something that you really want to say no to is not the same as doing something that you don’t feel like doing.

What is the difference?

Your reason why!

What is your reason for saying yes?  Do you love it?  Does it energize you?

Turns out, my reason was pretty crappy and the idea of it drained me. The idea of saying yes to this event, when I really meant no, started costing me my energy and my sense of alignment.

I decided that it was time to practice what I teach, to take my own medicine.

So, I decided to change my answer. I didn’t change my mind. It had already been a no in my soul, it was my mouth that said yes.

I decided to say what I meant to begin with…No!

There are many reasons that we say yes when we mean no.

We want to make people think certain things about us, we want to appear willing, we don’t want to be judged, we want to fit in, we don’t want to feel guilty, we don’t want to be talked about, we want to avoid how it would feel if we say no.

The reason we say yes when we mean no is to avoid a feeling.

Feelings are the reason we do everything. Either avoiding a feeling or creating a feeling.  It is the reason for every single thing that we do or don’t do.

So here are two questions for you the next time this happens…

When you said yes and you wanted to say no:

What feelings did that create for you?
What feelings were you trying to avoid?

I did this for myself and here are my answers.

Saying yes when I meant no created dread, frustration, and regret. The feelings that I was trying to avoid were guilt, unwilling, difficult.

Saying yes when you really want to say no doesn’t feel good!

Saying yes does not control how other people think or feel about you, you don’t have that much power. Saying yes and showing up half-hearted in un-kind.

It’s kinder and more authentic to you and to everyone else to say yes when you mean yes and to say no when you mean no.

Alright my friends…if you are tired of committing to a goal only to quit on it then I have the workshop for you!

It a free “Break the Commit and Quit Cycle” Virtual Workshop.  It’s free but you must register.