Alright, so we have talked about Availability Thoughts, Possibility Thoughts, Time Thoughts, Decisions Thoughts…today let’s switch it up a bit and talk about Indulgent Emotions.
Doesn’t that sounds like fun!
Hang with me, you are going to really be able to move the needle in your life when you master indulgent emotions so I am pretty excited to share this with you.
By the way…you can listen here. 10-Minute Mind Shift Podcast. Otherwise…Read on!
Let’s jump in…
Overwhelm, worry, anxiety, resentment, self-pity, self-doubt, confusion and indecision…these are all emotions that I would put into the “indulgent” emotion category.
Why?
We don’t need them, and they serve no purpose, and they are just in the way, and they slow things down when we are trying to create the life of our heart’s desire.
None of these emotions fuel inspired, positive, productive, creative massive action at all.
In fact, for most of us, these emotions create inaction.
All of these emotions are useless and yet…for most of us…they are our dominant and go to emotion.
These emotions are very sneaky in that they seem to be important…like worry.
Worry disguises itself as concern or care. But I promise you, if it’s showing up as worry, it’s useless.
Think about it. When was the last time you took inspired action from a place of worry?
I know that I never have.
But when I have been concerned for someone, for sure, that emotion inspires more productive, creative and thoughtful action.
Worry and the other indulgent emotions do not have us moving forward at all. In fact, they are a total waste of brain power.
And here is what I want you to see, worrying about something NEVER prevents that thing from happening.
Worrying about a circumstance that is beyond our control is NOT what prevents a circumstance from happening.
Worry pretends to sound loving right…it sounds like the right thing to do the right emotion to feel but it isn’t.
For example; the circumstance of your child driving alone for the first time could trigger worry.
Worry seems reasonable given the circumstance.
It seems like something that we should do because we love them, and don’t want them to in an accident.
But think about it..you worrying and being in a state of worry is NOT what will prevent the accident, in fact, worry will keep you from enjoying this next step and evolution of your child growing up and stepping into more responsibility. All the cool things about raising a human.
Worry is not necessary and it steals the joy and excitement from the experience.
Indulgent emotions are easy to access, they are plenty and they are familiar, even though they don’t feel good.
We go there because it’s familiar and the brain loves familiar even if it feels crappy.
Indulgent emotions are 100% our brains way of keeping us in the cave.
So how do we find ourselves in an indulgent emotion?
We think indulgent thoughts…of course!
Indulgent emotions are created by indulgent thoughts…thoughts that don’t serve us.
- I sure hope we don’t crash
- I hope I can stick to my plan this time
- I don’t know
- I can’t
- I am so busy
- I’m so tired
- I don’t have time
- Why does this always happen to me
- He should appreciate me more
- I should be further along
These are just a few that my brain throws me.
Spending a lot of time indulging in thoughts and emotions that don’t serve you, is what is going to create the results in your life that you don’t want.
The key to overcoming indulgent emotions is be aware of them as they creep into your day, and when they show up, ask yourself what thought were you thinking.
You can’t get into an indulgent emotion without and indulgent thought.
Really be on to yourself too and notice how clever these indulgent emotions are.
Like self-doubt.
Self-doubt sounds like it might protect you from failure…wrong…it has you not even getting into the arena, quitting ahead of time.
Confusion is another one…seems harmless and benign. But confusion has you spinning in inaction.
I see it when I am working with my weight loss clients around creating their plan. They will sit in confusion about what they want to put on it.
It’s your brains way of keeping you stuck and not stepping into the discomfort of the change you will experience as you evolve into your highest and best self.
Self-pity is another one.
I used to be in this all the time. I would think,
- Why me?
- Why do I have to struggle with this?
- Why did this happen tome?
- I have the worst luck.
If you listened to last week’s podcast you heard our story about moving from Oklahoma to Florida.
As I have mentioned several time now, that even when you are living your dream, life is 50/50.
For the first few months I could feel an ember of resentment growing and I would notice it when I would be doing things that I didn’t have to do when we lived in Oklahoma like walk the dogs and clean the stalls.
I didn’t have to worry about weather and watch for sudden changes in weather in case I had to run to the barn and let the horses in because we had such a cool set up that they could seek shelter anywhere on our 10 acres.
Even though I loved Florida, it was our dream and it was amazing, I could feel resentment too.
I was having thoughts like, Steve should appreciate what I do and how different my life is and how hard I work.
The resentment I was feeling was not productive at all. In fact, resentment was stealing my joy.
So I really had to dig in and do some work on the thoughts creating the feelings of resentment.
Indulgent emotions feel real, the thoughts feel true, thankfully they’re not.
Their entire purpose it to keep us from doing anything that would evolve our lives, it’s a way to keep us doing the same things we have always done, even if those things are not good for us.
A big trigger for me is when I’m not getting the result I want or not getting the results I want fast enough.
I see that a lot with my clients and students so don’t be surprised if that is you too.
So what to do when you find yourself inside an indulgent emotion?
- Ask yourself what you are thinking. Do a thought download. Freely write out all of the words that describe all of your thoughts. Find the culprit that are generating the indulgent emotion and challenge it.
- Is it true, provable in a court of law true or just a thought. Remember, just because you think it does not make it true. And here is something else for you to chew on…even if it is true…it may not serve you to entertain the thought for one more moment. Here is an example. Even if it’s true and provable in a court of law that I have to do things in Florida that I didn’t have to do in Oklahoma, what does it serve me to think it. What is the upside to that thought. No upside at all…refuse to think it.
- Ask yourself…what would I need to think to stop feeling confused, worried, or self-pity?
- What would I need to feel to take action right now that does serve me?
One emotion that is my go to emotion and I guarantee you that this will work for you too and that is gratitude.
It’s true and I want you to give it a try this week.
When you find yourself in the space of an indulgent emotion and you run through the four step process, give gratitude a try.
You cannot be worried and grateful at the same time in fact, grateful and an indulgent emotion cannot be felt simultaneously. It’s not possible.
The best way to do that is to ask yourself what is one thing that you are most thankful for in this moment. Then ask for one more thing and one more thing.
When you start your brain on the hunt for things you are thankful for, that indulgent emotion will disappear.
So give it a shot and let me know how it works for you.
My parting thought is that, this will take time and practice.
If you have been a habitual worrier or resentment comes easily for you, that’s some old wiring that will need to be rewired but I want you to know that it is totally possible and actually it is inevitable as long as you don’t quit!
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