Impostor Syndrome

Hello, my friends and welcome back to the 10-Minute Mind Shift Podcast.

I am going to share with you how it has shown up in my life, and the exact steps the crushing impostor syndrome.

I am even going to talk about how to use imposter syndrome for you.

Alright…let’s jump right in.

First of all…

What is imposter syndrome exactly?

It is the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

That’s fancy talk for dream thief, joy thief and it’s the entre to self- sabotage and the unraveling of living the life of your heart’s desire.

Do you ever have that sense of waiting to be “found out” or that you don’t belong or that in good time, all of your inadequacies will be revealed and then everyone will know you aren’t as smart as they think you are, you aren’t as organized as you look or you really don’t have your life together…

Know what I mean?

Here’s what is crazy…the most seemingly confident person you know, also deals with imposter syndrome.

We all do but when we do, it feels like we are the only one. Right?

Doesn’t matter your age, your gender or line of work…if you are human and you have a brain, you feel like an imposter from time to time.

I can remember as early as first and second grade, feeling the imposter show up.  It was all very confusing then and even as an adult, feeling like an imposter can cause all kinds of unnecessary pain. 

We are going to clear all of that up today my friends.

So where does impostor syndrome come from exactly?

The primal part of our brain is wired for being part of a tribe or community.  We want to fit in so, at the very basic level of evolution, it’s biology at play here.

Maybe just knowing that will be helpful and useful but let’s go on.

Thousands of years ago, we were safer in numbers, we did need our community for survival.  Our desire to be part of the group was for the sake of survival

Today, while we still need community and our people, it’s doesn’t determine our survival.  But our brain still has a strong desire for us to fit it, to be part of the tribe, the community.

As human, we are not very good at evaluating ourselves or each other.

On top of that, we are terrible at figuring out what other people really think of us.

And when our mindset is left unchecked, we choose the worst possible thoughts to think.

We start thinking things like:

• When they find out I don’t know what I am doing…or
• I don’t belong…or
• I don’t fit in

I recall thinking these thoughts almost every single time that I got a promotion or a raise or got hired for a new role.

I would think this so often that it took the joy out of getting the promotion.  I immediately went into the fear of losing it if they found out that I really don’t belong.

Imposter syndrome is self-deprecation and it causes a string of indulgent emotions like worry, stress, insecurity, self-doubt and anxiety.

It’s easy to see how as humans, we seek out the buffering behavior of over-eating, over-drinking, and over-shopping…anything to drowned out the noise and vibration of feeling like an imposter.

For many of us, the fear of potentially feeling like an imposter keeps us from throwing our hat in the ring and going for a better job or that promotion.

It keeps us from giving relationships a shot.

I remember when I first met my husband.  He made it very clear that he loved how smart I was and how easy it was for us to talk. 

So of course my brain starts throwing me thoughts about how disappointed he will be when he finds out that I am not as smart as he thinks and sometimes I am stubborn and most of the time, I prefer silence.

Imposter syndrome even shows up in friendships.

I didn’t finish college and so when I am having conversations with people who are talking about the college experience, and the sorority experience, it is easy for me to find myself shrinking back a little and not feeling enough.

Imposter syndrome also shows up when you try to achieve a goal or invite, attract and create outcomes in your life that require you to grow.

Even as you start accomplishing things, your brain might throw you thoughts like… you just got lucky, or, this was a fluke…even when you are clearly demonstrating competency.

My brain still does this from time to time when I am riding my dressage test and someone comments on how well the ride was or how good we looked or some type of compliment.

I find myself thinking…if they only knew…

So if you have noticed how uncomfortable you are with compliments, that might be where imposter syndrome is showing up for you.

Another way it bubbles up in our performance is thinking we won’t be able to keep it up, a fear of not performing at the same level. 

This came up strongly for me a few years ago right after my first Western Dressage World Show.

Kit and I placed 5^th and honestly, placing was not even in my thought process so you can imagine how over the moon I was for several weeks.

Then, several weeks later, I noticed that every time I start thinking about the next World Show, I would start having thoughts like, what if we don’t place?  What will people think?  It will mean this year was just luck and that I really don’t know what I am doing.

The entire year of training for the 2016 World Show was miserable. 

That was before I found my coach and started working on my mindset.

Before we end today, I am going to share with you the exact steps that I take when imposter syndrome bubbles up for me.

First though, I want to talk about what Imposter Syndrome is NOT caused by…

It’s not caused by

• The college you did or didn’t go to.
• Your last name that you do or don’t have.
• The neighborhood you live in or don’t live in.
• The car that you drive, or the one that you don’t drive.
• What you have or have not accomplished.
• The school your kids do or don’t go to.

Impostor Syndrome is caused by a Thought.  That’s it, it’s just a thought that you create and entertain.

That is the best news ever!

I love giving equal air time to everything so I thought about why Imposter Syndrome is a good thing and how you can use it for you.

Here are 3 reasons why Impostor Syndrome is a good thing!

1. It’s an indicator that you’re trying something new, and that new thing is creating growth.  That’s a good thing.  Growth is how you experience transformations and evolve into your highest and best self.  There is no other way.
2. It’s an indicator of where you can do some focus work, and invest in your own personal growth at a deeper level.  I love indicators that tell me where to focus my work. 
3. It’s an indicator that you’re actually gaining expertise. (you are learning what you don’t know).  That is a good thing!

So, here are the 6 Steps to take when you find yourself feeling like an impostor.

1.  Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  Being willing to be uncomfortable is the currency to your success in anything.  We all get uncomfortable when we are trying something new.  That’s how you know you are growing.  Our brain is automatically going to seek pleasure, avoid discomfort and conserver energy.  That’s not going to work if you want to grow and evolve.  So be willing to seek growth, be willing to be uncomfortable and take inspired action.
2.  Focus on what you are learning vs how you are performing or where you are at with your result.  When I think about what I need to do in order to earn my bronze medal in dressage, for sure imposter syndrome shows up.  Who do you think you are?  You just started riding a few years ago.  Your horse has never been shown, who are you kidding?  So…I focus on what I have learned instead.  I have learned a ton on this journey and that is a good thing.  Think about what you have learned and the person that you are becoming.
3. Make peace with failure as the only path to success.   No one has a straight shot to their target without growing and evolving having things be hard from time to time.  It’s totally fine.  In fact, if you are not failing, you are not learning and growing.  Celebrate a good fail and keep going. 
4. Focus on the value that you are providing.  Whatever you are doing, you are providing value. No matter how new you are to the role, you are providing value. A few years ago, I made a huge career move and literally went from being the all-knowing one to not knowing a thing about anything I was doing.  It felt very uncomfortable but here is what I learned.  The company didn’t hire me because of what I knew about what I was going to be doing.  They wanted me for the knowledge that I could bring into the department based on what I had been doing in the past.  They wanted that knowledge and so I was able to focus on where I could distribute the value of my previous role.
5. Keep a fan file.  We all have people in our lives that we have touched.  When you get a nice note, card, letter or email…keep it.  Read it often and remind yourself how awesome you are.
6. Know that feeling like an imposter is coming from a thought.  Find the thought.  Start calling it out for what it is.  It’s not a syndrome at all…it’s a thought!  Just because you think a thought, does not make it true and even if what you are thinking is 100% provable in a court of law true…it may not serve you to think it one more minute.

Here is my parting thought…

Feeling like an imposter does not mean anything is wrong with you and you are not broken.

Your brain is working perfectly fine even though it feels crappy.

Trust the process of working on new thoughts and if you are ready for your own transformation and ready to take this work to the next level…ping me.

Alright my friend…I hope you have the best week ever!!!!